Am I behind in life?

Hello Goddesses,

 Everyone has moments in their life where they need to take a step back from their lifestyle and clear their head, gain clarity, inspiration, and find purpose again. I had to do some soul searching myself after I collided with an epiphany. I was questioning my life and the things around me, and then the thought began to consume me: I’m still in the same environment that I was six years ago. Why am I still here? Don’t get me wrong, I love Alaska. It’s a utopia of its own and has endless adventures, but it doesn’t have what I’m seeking in life right now. I’ve always imagined being in show business, fashion has always been my calling, and as a young child I was a part of a talent agency where I was able to expand talents on singing, acting, modeling, and fashion. But I never had the opportunity or consistency in my life to pursue those dreams; whether it was due to money, mindset, or the passing of my father, something had always stopped me on my journey. The inconsistency in my life has left me lost as an adult, and I’ve been trying to reclaim my purpose ever since. 

As a woman in my twenties I am determined to pursue my passions, but trying to survive in this economy while going after my dreams has been a struggle. Social media has never been a good coping skill when I’m feeling this way because I see what other people are doing with their lives. They left their hometown to pursue modeling, acting, get their degree, travel the world or just experience a new environment. It’s inspiring but also leaves me with a taste of disappointment in my mouth for myself. I’ve had dreams my whole life and they are still very similar dreams from the ones I had as a child. Every step I have taken for the last five years is contributing to my future and my dream life, so why am I still here? 

The epiphany turned me into a mess and It triggered a two week binge of self destructive tendencies. I became reckless with my emotions and allowed them to consume me. I self medicated, my appetite was either non-existent, or I was binge eating. I ignored my work altogether, or overworked myself. My balance was off and I began to spiral. I’ve become intuitive with my body these past five years so I know when I’m falling out of balance physically or mentally. I felt it, I knew it was happening but I ignored it, until I couldn’t. The cycle started to go on for too long and I knew if I didn’t end it, it could turn me into someone unrecognizable. 

I took a deep breath and listened to my body. I needed to heal from the self destruction and connect with my spirit. I had to relax and release myself from my thoughts so I could understand why I was feeling this way and where the issue was stemming from. And that’s when it hit me like a train: it wasn’t my time. 

I know I’m far from being the only one feeling behind in life, or are wasting time comparing their life to some random individual on social media. Millennials and Gen Z’s have watched so many people succeed so quickly in life because of social media opportunities and it’s made our generations eager and impatient to achieve their success. We all want it now, but that’s not realistic or fair to ourselves. I was just continuously badgering myself for being in the same environment that I graduated high school in. I never took into account that when I had the opportunity to leave, it was the year 2020 and the pandemic happened and life became unpredictable for everyone around the world. Everything was scary, the unknown walked amongst us all and it still does. Two years before that, I didn’t have the financial stability or mindset, and I hadn’t even started to launch my business that I’d been trying to pursue. I know in my heart that I have been taking the steps to achieve that brand, career, house, car, environment, travels, and education. Just because I am still in the same environment or same house doesn’t mean that I’m behind or stuck. It’s just not my time to leave… yet. Every season has a purpose and just because you feel behind doesn’t mean that you are. Life and timing is unique to everyone and treats everyone differently. You need to take a look at the things you have achieved on the path to your success, whether it is considered an achievement or a failure, because no matter what it was a lesson. You got something out of it, and perhaps it was a lesson that will be another step towards your goals, or maybe even the key to them. Life is all about progress, but more than anything it’s about the moments. Enjoy where you’re at right now because the future is unpredictable and your perspective on life will color your experience. If it’s not your time, prepare yourself for when it is, because that is when change will be knocking at your door and you will have no choice but to be ready. 

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